You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
