what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
