saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
