It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
