hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
