I showed him my bush... on skype.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
