I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
