Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
