In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
