We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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