I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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