Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
