Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
