saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
