The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize