i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
