New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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