As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
