and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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