He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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