we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
