sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
