True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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