I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
