Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
