some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
