The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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