I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
