She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
