I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
