he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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