You're earring is so big in my mouth
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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