cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
