Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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