nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your tits are I can't wait for
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
