Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
