i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
