you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
