So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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