I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
