u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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