I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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