You can't special order awesome
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
