I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
