I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
