oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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