im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
