She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
