but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
