mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
