Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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