He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
