so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
