Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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