He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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