My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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