dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
