You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
