Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
