I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
