How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
