I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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