I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
