Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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