ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
