there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
