i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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