I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
