I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
