i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
