Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize