so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
