"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
