Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
