My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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