I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
