But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
