Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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